he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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