Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
