How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
