sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
