Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
