So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
