WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
