When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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