The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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