What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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