Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
