is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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