I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
