I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
