Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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