Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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