i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
