i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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