I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm getting married
To pizza
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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