Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
