Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
