you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Randomize
