Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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