So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
