what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Your penis caused this!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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