Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
