The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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