I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
