Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
birth control should be required to get into college
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
