Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
