I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
