His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE