So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms