Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
