every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.