youre lurking in front of me
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Randomize
