when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
