careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
