that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We got so high we made milksteak
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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