I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
