they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
