Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
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You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
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Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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