and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
