I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
