fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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