Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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