Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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