Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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