my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
