We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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