next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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