I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
