i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
