it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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