i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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