eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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