worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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