her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
