Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just invented taco cereal.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
