Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
