I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
