Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
