I am in a vortex of obligation.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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