Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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