help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
