Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Shame is for Republicans.
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