you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
