Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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