saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
