you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
