Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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