No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
