Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
