i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
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