bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
