lets start a swedish sibling band together
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
